How did Mary know after the Annunciation that she would be accepted as wife by Joseph?
Mary trusted the Holy Spirit would reveal this to St. Joseph in due time, from the very beginning. Mary knew God had started this and she firmly believed that God would bring everything to a proper conclusion. ”Hail Mary, full of grace.”
This is a unique perspective that I know some Catholic theologians have tackled in the past.
Sorry for the lack of primary references, but they are extremely hard to pin down. I know they are out there because I have read them while living in France.
Put in a nutshell, it goes something like this (If I can locate these reference, I will add them in):
Mary totally had confidence in what the Holy Spirit was doing at the Annunciation.
Knowing that she had been enlightened by the Divine Grace of the Holy Spirit, Mary knew well to keep silent about the origins of the incarnation. If the Paraclete had operated this miracle in her sacred womb, them the only way for St. Joseph to believe and understand this mystery would be through his own annunciation.
The Angel of the Lord did that very thing in time and Mary trusted the Divine Inspiration would come to St. Joseph through God himself. Mary obviously did not want to interfere in this.
Would not Joseph believe in the incarnation if it were to be revealed to him from God rather than herself. Mary accepted this.
Mary trusted Divine Providence totally and she let God work out the details. What an amazing Mother she would be.
Let’s look at the first chapter of Matthew’s Gospel and see what it implies:
Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit; and her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to send her away quietly.
First, the text explicitly states that Mary “was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit.” The Gospel’s words are few and packed with meaning. Matthew specifically tells us that she was not just found to be with child, but found to be with child of the Holy Spirit. Second, the text tells us that Joseph is a just man, meaning he would do what he knew to be right, not acting out of fear or emotion. Third, he wanted to spare Mary of shame and therefore wanted to find a quiet solution.
Here is what justice requires for adultery, according to the Law: “If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death” (Leviticus 20:10). If Joseph decided not to act according to the Law, we might consider him merciful, but not just. The just response would be to bring the culprits to light so that they could receive the punishment God had commanded. If Mary had willingly committed adultery (a thought that should make us shudder with horror) then she would deserve punishment.
Second, maybe Joseph thought Mary had been raped. The Law also has commands in this regard. Deuteronomy 22 specifies death to both parties when a betrothed woman willingly sleeps with a man. It goes on to speak of rape:
But if in the open country a man meets a young woman who is betrothed, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. But to the young woman you shall do nothing; in the young woman there is no offense punishable by death, for this case is like that of a man attacking and murdering his neighbor; because he came upon her in the open country, and though the betrothed young woman cried for help there was no one to rescue her (vv 25-27).
I find this scenario much more likely than the first. It is possible that Joseph thought Mary had been grievously wronged and like Deuteronomy states he decided to “do nothing” to her to harm her, but simply decided to break off the betrothal quietly.
There are a couple of problems with this scenario as well. Justice demanded more than simply calling off the betrothal. Justice required punishment for the man. Also, simply to put Mary away when she was pregnant with the child of another man would do her immense harm and would expose her to much shame, which he did not want to do. A just man would care for a woman in this situation, who needed much help and support. With his justice, he would have brought the perpetrator to punishment and taken Mary as his wife to care for her.
Third, there is another possibility put forward by tradition. As Matthew states, Joseph found Mary to be with child of the Holy Spirit. He was just and recognized that nothing in the Law of Moses addressed this problem. He was betrothed to a sinless woman, who miraculously conceived a child. In justice, he could not fathom his role as spouse to the very tabernacle of the Holy Spirit. He did not want to bring attention to Mary’s situation, but would quietly remove himself to allow God to continue acting directly in Mary’s life.
But then the angel came and made God’s will known to Joseph. He would have a role in God’s plan and his justice would be put to good use, caring not only for Mary but the divine Son she bore. Joseph would pass on the Davidic line to his adopted son and create a just household for the child.
We praise Joseph for his justice and courage. He knew Mary and could think no ill of her. In a family of the God-man and a perfect spouse, Joseph, though singularly graced as well, definitely felt himself to be the odd man out. His Annunciation story reflects this humble position, but also the grace God gave him to exercise his justice in a supernatural way.
Reflecting on Joseph’s role helps us to give him the praise and honor he deserves for his justice and obedience. He continues to be the steward of God’s house, caring for the Church and our families. If you didn’t see the new prayer to St. Joseph I proposed to help us to honor his virtues and his role in the Church, here it is again:
Joseph, Son of David, you are the just man the Lord placed over His house. You did what the angel commanded and so we go to you in time of need. O foster father of Jesus, pray to your Son for us. - A Closer Look at Joseph’s Response To Mary’s Pregnancy
For more information on this subject matter, please see my answer to this question: When did Mary and Joseph marry?