I'm new to this site and hoping to understand more about Christianity. I was taught some about Christianity in my younger years and try to leverage that to understand more about Christianity sometimes, but sometimes it leaves gaping holes in my knowledge and understanding. I think this may be one of those instances. I may be incorporating some misunderstandings from what I've heard so hopefully you can forgive me if I misspeak.

While talking with one of my friends about her future as a Christian, eventually the topic turned to her future family. She explained that since she was little she had always dreamed of falling in love and getting married to essentially prince charming. I feel like this is a pretty common dream among young girls. As her thoughts poured out though, she continued to share that perhaps that wasn't a possibility. Not only might it not happen like in a fairytale, but there were more complications. What if she fell in love with somebody who wasn't a Christian? What if she fell in love with somebody that wasn't going to live where God called her to live? I could go on, but you can imagine the flavor of these suppositions.

This made me really sad. I'd like to see my friend happy. That didn't seem to align with my understanding of a Christian God. My question is hard to ask, but I guess. Is that a possibility? She can't be the first person to ever face this, in fact I would bet it's frequent. So is it possible that God would ask his followers to walk away from love in interest of his plan? I understand it could be swept under as that "not really being love", but if that's going to be the answer, I don't think I can just settle for only that. I would hope for at least some context of why things had to be that way.

I realize that me disliking something doesn't change whether or not it's correct from a Christian standpoint, but I've found that understanding and learning more can help with these situations. I know you may not be able to give me a full answer, but I have no idea where to even begin looking for answers to this. I'm also not just asking for an answer to this without any work, but this is important to me and I feel completely lost.

So I guess to sum it all up:

are followers of Christianity allowed to love whomever they choose?

If not, are they called by God to leave those that they love?


While I feel those are my questions I want answered, I see they are strongly opinion and interpretation driven (potentially). With that in mind, I guess I would redone my question to this:

I believe that people have likely struggled with the choices associated with love. What scripture (or other helpful insight) can I reference for guidance in answering these questions?

Thanks in advance, I really look forward to finding answers.

  • Welcome to the site. We are glad you decided to participate. Please see What this site is about and How this site is different to help you learn how the site works. Also see the help center and take the tour to learn the site functions, but you're probably good there. I hope to see you post again soon. – 3961 Jan 14 '15 at 23:12
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    Now about this post specifically, I think there is too much opinion to answer factually. Please see the Types of questions that are within community guidelines and try to edit this question to be like one of those types. – 3961 Jan 14 '15 at 23:13
  • Do you think there is a way i could narrow the question to start towards the answers i seek? – Matt Jan 14 '15 at 23:33
  • I think if we bring it into site guidelines it will be mostly answered by this question: What is the context of the "unequally yoked" passage? – 3961 Jan 14 '15 at 23:44
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    I agree. I think i need to rethink what I'm trying to ask. I'm certainly comfortable if this question needs to be closed. – Matt Jan 15 '15 at 0:06

Christians are called to love everybody – even those that people would not normally love. This is modelled best by Jesus Christ himself, who loved outcasts, sinners and failures like myself.

This is fraternal love that all of us must have for our common man. When it comes to romantic love, there's slightly more to it.

Christians are asked/commanded earliest in Deuteronomy to not marry unbelievers because they could potentially be read astray. Elsewhere, the bible is riddled with literature about being "unequally yoked" or married to an unbeliever.

That said, we all have free will and can marry or date whomever we want. The question that usually will be on a Christian's mind though, is "Will this please God and be an act of worship to Him?". We also know that being unequally yoked wouldn't please God. Because of this, we choose to seek romantic relationships with Christians only, despite having free will. Why? Because we love God. Why do we love God? Because he loved us.

What happens if a Christian is married to an unbeliever? Are they to leave them?

Pretty much the only time divorce is allowed biblically is when adultery has occured. No adultery, no grounds for divorce, even if it's an interfaith marriage. The Christian party is asked to love and serve and lead a holy, God-pleasing, God-glorifying life as an example to their spouse.

What about dating? Can my Christian girlfriend dump me because I'm not a Christian?

Yes, she can. She can become aware of how the relationship may be getting serious, leading toward marriage, thinking about if the marriage will please God, realizing it won't, and then ending it.

The thing about Christianity is, God comes first, no matter what, no matter how hard it can be. Why? Because to him, we come first.

I hope that was helpful!

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  • This is a good answer, and the vast majority of practicing Christians would likely agree with it, leaders and teachers even more so. I gave it a +1 even though it answers an off-topic question. It would be greatly improved if it also mentioned that, at least in the majority of cases, we will also benefit in the long run from acting consistent with God's will. Which is easier, having a spouse who encourages you in your relationship with Christ, or trying to demonstrate the love of Christ to a spouse who either doesn't care about the things of God or is actively hostile? – Bit Chaser Sep 20 '16 at 0:06

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