No, this is not the start of a joke about a bunch of people walking into a bar. Rather, I thought it would be helpful to clarify various terms that people use to describe a church's leadership.
Priest The biblical order of presbyters. One who conducts sacrifices
Pastor The priest who is in charge or a parish, he may have associate pastors - recently ordained priests start as associate pastors.
Minister Ordinary ministers are the bishops, priests and deacons who administer the sacraments to the faithful. Extraordinary ministers are laypersons appointed by the priest to help in the administration of the sacraments.
Chaplain An ordained person whose vocation is specific to their task (i.e. hospital chaplain, military chaplain etc..) not to a parish.
Preacher Not a specifically Catholic term.
Reverend A title given to any priest deacon or bishop (to varying degrees)
Deacon An ordained person in the order below priests. Deacons cannot celebrate Mass or administer the sacrament of reconciliation (strictly speaking, they can hear your confession - but they can't do anything about it). Deacons come in two flavors. The permanent deaconate (people ordained specifically as helpers to the priests) and transitional deconate (seminarians ordained a few years before their eventual ordination to the priesthood)
Elder Not a specifically Catholic term.
Bishop The successors of the apostles who oversee their diocese or bishopric (in the Eastern Catholic churches). Together with the Pope, the Bishop of Rome, they are the top of the Catholic hierarchy. They are the ones who can confirm with the Holy Spirit (or appoint priests to do so in their stead) and only they can ordain priests.
An attempt at a generic Protestant version. Note that these are guidelines, and additional tradition-specific versions should be consulted!
Depends on the tradition:
Note: In the NT, deacons, elders, and later bishops are the only mentioned leadership positions.
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Some of the primary differences are due to the believed place of the clergy.
In some churches being clergyman is considered a "vocation". If someone is called to be ordained they are ordained for life (barring exceptional circumstances). Even if they stop doing the job of a priest, they remain one. The denominations that practice this typically have a three-level clergy: bishops, priests and deacons. These churches include Roman Catholics, Orthodox, Anglican and Lutherans. In these denominations:
Reverend is a title applied to one of these e.g. "Reverend John Smith". To call someone "a reverend" is technically incorrect.
Other protestant churches reject the idea of ordained clergy. A church leader is appointed to a specific job, and can leave it. When a pastor quits his job he is no longer a pastor. These churches use different terms for their leaders: