I have not read the book, but am participating in the Love and Respect DVD study with my small group. From what others who have read the book in the group have said, it sounds like the content is similar enough.
Dr. Eggerichs tells us that he believes that Ephesians 5:33 is one of the biblical proofs that men have a core need to be respected and women have a core need to be loved. He also uses other bible verses throughout that actually show examples of men wanting respect or women wanting love. I do believe that his understanding of this verse is in line with the intended meaning.
The rest of this answer is actually addressing your observation that there is a large emphasis on "felt" love and respect.
Dr. Eggerichs does place a lot of emphasis on "feeling" loved or respected. He encourages us to say to our spouse "That felt unloving, did I say something disrespectful?" (wife to husband) or "That felt disrespectful, did I say something unloving?" (husband to wife). This is because how we feel is the only way to express how our spouse is coming across to use.
However, he does spend a large portion of the study teaching how to love/respect your spouse, with a lot of emphasis on communicating it. As he starts out early and continues teaching us, men and women don't communicate in the same way. I like how he points out that while we may feel unloved/disrespected, the other person does not necessarily mean to be showing a lack of love or disrespect. He gives us tips on how we can communicate in a loving or respectful way that our spouse will translate correctly.
In the DVD he mentions multiple times that while a wife may feel unloved, it is likely the husband is just not expressing his love. Or if the husband feels disrespected, it's like the wife is not communicating her respect in a way that the husband understands as respectful.
So while there is emphasis on telling your spouse how you feel, I don't think that's the purpose of the Love and Respect. I think the purpose of his book/studies is to teach us how to express our love or respect for our spouse in a way that they will feel it.