Constructive ways to pursue a relationship (with a partner/spouse)? [closed]

Question

As a single man I find it difficult to meet people, not only with good values, but who share my faith. I struggle with finding environments in which mingle with eligible people that may actually lead to a lasting relationship. The cliche bar scene is typically no good as an avid Christian shouldn't be drinking to excess, dating sites are often consisting of lustful people looking for the wrong thing. I've tried socializing with people in my church groups, but most of these people I've known since childhood and I don't see the likelihood of breaking out of the "friend zone" after such a long time conceivable.

My question is, what is a good way for a faithful person to present them self in a manner that conveys to an audience they are single and looking for a meaningful relationship, but not in a way that sends the wrong signal of the typical guy looking for the quick hook up. Where would a person gather in hopes of meeting the right kind of people?

Answer 1

You need to make sure that you are in the right environment to meet other single people. So if the service you are attending has very few young single people of the opposite sex then you are obviously in the wrong place to begin with. The only way to fix this is put yourself in the right environment which may mean switching services or switching churches.

Further to the point above, if you don't think church is the right place to do it, you still have to put yourself in an environment where it is more likely to happen. You can't meet people sitting on your couch.

Secondly, you don't need to present yourself in any particular manner, you just need to be more social. If you are in the right environment concentrate on making friends. When people are your friends they know that you are single. Don't expect someone to be psychic and know that you are out there looking.

I also think you need to be a bit more assertive, don't say I want to come across as a "typical" guy who is looking for a quick hookup. In a way, that's what you do want to be doing. You sound a bit too passive; you need to be assertive at some point; you need to make a move Maestro, that's kinda what women expect. Just because you have to make a move doesn't mean women think you are some sleaze, it's kinda the way the world works. People are adults and can decide for themselves if they think you are after a one night stand or are being serious in your approach.

People meet the right person in all different places, you just need to increase your circle of friends; let some of your friends know you are on the lookout and when it comes time make the move.

Answer 2

Well, I don't have too many details about your church, but I do know that some churches have special congregations for single adults. They hold normal worship services and everything, but with the implicit (or sometimes even explicit) purpose of being a place where singles who share the same set of values can gather, worship together, get to know one another and develop relationships from there. Maybe you could see if any churches in your area have such a congregation and start attending with them.